Do you want to live a happy and fulfilled life?
Do you always feel that this life is in the future, and that right now it isn’t?
Would you like to know how to feel happy right now?
Would you like to know how to always feel happy in the present rather than thinking it will happen, one day?
On my self development journey supported by my wonderful wife I have been learning some amazing things that not only help everyone (including those who may feel they are totally normal and ok – “no issues here mate”), but will also help people suffering with all kinds of mental wellness and health challenges.
We are guided by so many to sympathise with mental health, and that’s great, but what use is that to anyone really? Having practical ways to manage yourself, manage your own happiness, and then be able to guide others around you, wouldn’t that be useful?
So, here TEN steps, practical doable every day things, that you can put into place today, right now, not in the future. Start the steps, feel the difference, keep it going, then start your journey of continuous learning. Good luck.
FIRST STEP: YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS.
This will come as a shock to many and will take time to sink in. Your brain is a machine that is serving up thoughts around danger, problems, and scenarios to protect us, and can get hung up on the past (regret, resentment, hurt, failure, let down), or the future (fears, worries, anxieties, threats from other people, fear of failure).
You are not your heart, your lungs, your hands, your stomach or any other particular part, they are all a part of you, and the thoughts and monologue that goes on inside your brain is also a part of you, but not you, you are not your brain!
SECOND STEP: RETAKE control of your MIND:
Retake your steering wheel back from your thoughts and steer towards being happy. See your brain as a supercomputer spitting out thoughts. Then take control of it. Try giving your thoughts a personal name (e.g. Bob or Tracey), “thanks Bob, shut up for now, I’ve got this, I’m going to enjoy the present moment right now and not think about the past or future”.
Recognise your thoughts your “problem finder”, an eager puppy constantly serving up problems. If you get random thoughts, that’s ok, learn to recognise that they’ve crept back in, that they’ve seized hold of you once more, and then push them aside. (Breathing practices help get this going to begin with).
THIRD STEP: Get into the PRESENT moment.
All pain (emotional, sadness, hurt, etc) in your thoughts are generally related to either the past or the future. Recognise that they are not in this moment, ask yourself, right now, is it the present moment that is wrong, or is this pain related to past or future?
Very rarely are our negative thoughts related to the exact moment you find yourself in right now. Most of our lives (for many of us) everything is actually just fine. Bad things happen but not most of the time. We spend way too much time thinking about those few moments or periods.
This is where deep slow breathing helps, focus on slow breathing through you nose, and bring yourself into this moment. Observe everything around you, listen to the sounds, the smells, look at every object, (you may notice things you haven’t noticed for a long time).
If you put music on, listen intently to the lyrics, try and work out what the message is, wonder about whether you agree with it or take a different position. Listen to bird song, the tick of a clock, the distant hum of cars or planes.
FOURTH STEP: Practice GRATITUDE several times a day.
This not only helps you come into the present moment, but also stabilises your perception of yourself and the world around you. Focus on being grateful for what you already have and be and fulfilled right now. The only way to influence your future is right now, in the present moment.
Practice being grateful for everything you already have. Then get busy building what you would like in the future.
Every day you wake up and walk to the bathroom, be thankful for your legs, your body, your senses, your family, your friends, the world in which we live, clean water, the people that do genuinely care for you, think of them.
Stop thinking about people that think badly of you, have hurt you, or who have done you wrong. Forget them, focus on positive experiences, fun, laughter, grace, love.
Gratitude practiced for a couple of minutes regularly will shift your thinking. Gratitude practiced in the present moment, regularly, daily, will change your life.
FIFTH STEP: All happiness is in the PRESENT moment:
So often our thoughts focus on what we do not have, what we want (or believe we need or deserve), creating this never ending shopping list of material, relationship, ego, vanity, that promise us future happiness. This is stopping you enjoying your life, these thoughts are an illusion, the future is never where you are happy, as it is only ever possible to be happy in the present moment.
When you reach tomorrow, it will be the new today, it will be the present again, so when you reach a time in the future, that will also be the present moment just like now. And if you are stuck in the past and future now, you will be stuck in the past and future then too!
When you do something you intensely enjoy, this is because the activity is bringing you into the present moment, all of your concentration, presence, focus all becomes in the now, that is why you enjoy it so much, your thoughts have been put to one side, you are actually being PRESENT in the moment, and it’s a joy (I get this from mountain biking or driving cars fast, it totally holds my attention)!
The more you can be in the present moment, the more you your thoughts are forced to be quiet about the past and future (like I said about telling “Bob” to shut up).
SIXTH STEP: FEED your MIND GOOD BRAIN FOOD:
Take control and MANAGE what your mind consumes. Consuming negative information (e.g. daily news and propaganda, most of which is sensationalising negative things), we fill our thought buckets with negative brain food.
It seems many agree from most cultures that the human consists of a mind, body and soul, you hopefully know that eating trashy foods and doing little or no activity is terrible for your body. If you want a strong body you need to exercise it regularly.
If you want to feel fulfilled and happy, your mind needs you to simply consume fulfilling and happy content in your life instead of negative crap. Positivity is all around you, you just have to open your senses to it, it is everywhere, on YouTube, Insta, in books, articless, websites, everywhere. Follow people putting out positive content. They can change your life.
News channels predominately sow fear, problems, controversy, opposing points of view and horrible events. They monetise terrorising you. Then, we tune in on mass to we watch tv series, episodes and films all showing different kinds of lust, betrayal, jealousy, anger, manipulation, hate, abuse, wreaking havoc on each other’s lives and bringing your fears to the fore in the process (even though you may not realise it). This is the same for your mind and thoughts as trashy food and no exercise is to your body. Don’t watch horror films, watch fun uplifting films.
Watch comedy, read articles about mindfulness, achieving goals, changing your life for the better, and guess what, you’ll feel you are moving towards this as a new place.
Read, or listen to or watch, mountains of positive content, how to build success, how to set goals and lead your life. Read, listen, read, every day. Never stop.
SEVENTH STEP: Know you are LOVED:
You are loved and are lovable simply because you are alive. End of. Tell yourself, you exist, the Universe loves you otherwise you wouldn’t have ever existed.
The Universe put you here, you are meant to be, even if some of the people in your life didn’t love you as much as they should. Even if you’ve done things that aren’t loveable. You can still do things that are from now on.
Whatever you believe in, believe you are loved, by the Universe, by the maker (or God), whatever you believe in, believe you are here for a good reason.
When you feel angry, lost, stuck, sad, you are back on the negative path again. Stop and go back through the above steps and come back here to being loved, and rightfully so. You are meant to exist, even if you don’t know why.
EIGHTH STEP: Keep a REGULAR JOURNAL:
Write down all of your thoughts and feelings, analyse yourself and see how you can improve yourself. Always end by writing what you are grateful for at that precise moment, have a range of notebooks (pen and paper work great even in the modern age) or have notes on a digital device.
Notebooks for thoughts, notebooks for ideas, sketch pads for brainstorming, surround yourself with idea capturing devices. Write down your challenges, THEN write down how you’d like it to be. Define the outcomes you’d like IN WRITING (noting you shouldn’t wish for anything negative, for you or for anyone else.)
Only wish for positive outcomes, that work for you and the Universe and it’s people. You can leave people out of your positivity, just nothing negative. The Universe will hear your words. Trust me.
NINTH STEP: Build up guiding mottos:
Here’s one I like:
- What you can’t change, ACCEPT (especially the past or something that is unavoidable).
- What you enjoy doing, DO, why not right now?!
- What you can change, PURSUE.
Another is: It must have been meant to happen because it did. What can you learn from it? What opportunity for making the world a better place can you find?
Work smarter not harder.
Life is a journey, not a destination. (We get caught up too much on the desination.)
You can change anything in your life.
Just do it (that’s a pretty famous one, yes nike).
Get off your arse and do it.
Less thinking more doing.
Building up mottos create quick shortcuts to help you get off a negative thought pattern back into a good positive one.
TENTH STEP: GIVE…
Often a struggle when we think ourselves busy (often busy thinking of how our life isn’t good enough), when we are totally focussed on ourselves, it is impossible to be happy. Many famous successful people swear that happiness is found by providing service to others. This can be many things, in business, in your family, charity, inspiring content (like this), creating something, building something, using all your talents to help someone or groups of people with something.
You’ve heard that in order to receive, first you have to give. It works in all walks of life, from starting a business to building a following. GIVE.
Reading Napolean Hill recently, I was inspired that in order to fix things that are terrible in your life, go and find someone worse off and help them instead!
Thank you
All of these words are inspired by my wife, and the many authors of the books I have read, the inspiring coaches of today and yesterday that are sharing their content out there into the Universe. Putting them into practice can change your life like it has and continues to change mine.
My feeling of contentment, happiness and being at peace have gone from around a 4 out of 10 to an 8 out of 10 using these kinds of techniques, they are life changing, and can also change your personal wealth among many things.
BUT, some days though, I can fall quickly back to a 4 or 5 due to something happening (like McDonalds getting my order totally wrong, or being harassed by a crazy driver, or a problem at work, or with family) and have to climb out again using the techniques I’ve listed here (and others I’ve also learnt).
This is a never ending journey, these techniques are always needed. When you feel you’ve made it, it’s easy to forget them, then realise after a few days or weeks you are right back where you started. That’s ok too.
Personal growth is when you’ve learnt how to take yourself from a 4 to an 8 out of 10, then get better and better at it with practice. What originally took months to get from a 4/10 to 7/10 became weeks, then days, then hours, then minutes! You can have this too.
Fred Warner: STACKS fS
Note from Dre
Fred is very complimentary about me being a great coach, the trouble is, I’m a bit rubbish at BEING coached. So I admit to needing a bit more understanding in my times of need than he does. On that note, if you are like me, I’ve found that the following can also help.
It’s important to be kind to yourself and understand that sometimes you need to borrow your strength from those whose cups are a little fuller than yours. If you are on a self-journey and can enlist the help of positive people around you in your tougher moments, please put it out there. Even if you struggle to communicate, agree on a word that you can say that demonstrates you are struggling.
Try to consider what’s in your control and what’s not. Seeking control of any and every situation is bound to cause nothing but stress, tension and anxiety. It’s actually quite freeing to acknowledge that just because a situation is ‘not how you’d do it’, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It just is.
It’s no secret that men are largely problem solvers, but lots of problems are not yours to solve or, indeed, are outwith your control, so it’s learning to listen to your body, deduce the situation and admit that it’s time to sit this one out.
I agree with Fred, it’s not about not feeling stress in order to be happy; it’s about dealing with situations faster to get you back to your happy place quicker. I hope this resonates and helps in some small way. Dre
